Dangers of Presumption

By Betsy Barbieux, CAM, CFCAM, CMCA / Published November 2024

Once upon a time (as the story is told by Max Lucado in his book, Eye of the Storm), there was a very poor woodcutter who had a beautiful white horse. The horse was coveted by many, including the king, who was willing to pay a high price for him. The townspeople thought he should sell the horse. The old man refused, saying the horse was part of his family. One day the horse was gone. All the townspeople came to grieve with him but chastised him, reminding him he should have sold the horse. This misfortune will make him poor forever. The old woodcutter replied, “All I know is the horse is not in the barn. Whether I’ll be rich or poor is not for you to judge.”

     As the story goes the horse returns with a dozen other horses. Now all the townspeople gathered around him celebrating because of his good fortune exclaiming what a blessing—he’ll be rich. But when the old woodcutter spoke, he said “Again, you have gone too far. All I know is the horse has returned with other horses. Whether I’ll be rich or poor no one can judge.”

     The story goes through several of these good/bad circumstances and conversations between the old woodcutter and the townspeople. Each time, the old man would stick to the facts and not presume the future.

     You can hear examples of presumption every day on the news, in the clubhouse, on the golf course, in restaurants, during marital conflicts, and at board meetings. The people in these conversations will take facts and then add their opinion. Their opinions will likely presume an outcome, or worse, presume another’s motives. Presuming outcomes can become a habit and will lead to worry and anxiety. Presuming motives leads to misunderstanding, conflicts, and irreparable damage to relationships.

     When you presume the motives of others, you will likely assign a negative one—one that presumes the person’s actions are directed at you. They may be, but maybe they are not. The result is that future conversations with this person are met with suspicion. Presuming motives erodes trust and goodwill. You could have taken the time to have a conversation with that person to clarify their words or actions. Without that conversation, you may have come to an incorrect conclusion. That wrong conclusion will cause you to make a wrong decision, whether the decision is a course of action or an opinion of that person.

     Decisions need to be made based on facts. Facts come from conversations that involve active listening and not the kind of conversations where you are defensive and talk over the other person.

     A good habit to develop is to listen to people’s words and take them at face value. If they say “yes” or “no,” don’t try to read between the lines to determine if they “really” meant “yes” or “no.” If the person you are talking to can’t be honest with his or her answers and reasons, then you should not be forced to become a mind reader and guess what was “really” meant. That creates an insane relationship whether at work or at home.

     Some of you will remember the old TV show, Dragnet, and Joe Friday’s famous line, “Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.” He did not want your opinions.

     Generalizations can include presumption and exaggeration. Listen to yourself and count how many you make in a day. The following are examples:

“You always…”

“They are all…”

“You never…”

“You should have known that I meant…”

“You only say that because…”

     Once formed, negative impressions are hard to overcome. Just ask the couple in marriage counseling. Marital conflict always involves generalizations and accusatory language like the ones above.

     Think about the conflict among your board members. Board members presume, generalize, and exaggerate and create vicious cycles of misunderstanding and mistrust, making it difficult to resolve disagreements peacefully. Votes are split, with losing board members sabotaging the decision by stirring up dissension in the community. Board members are recalled, or board members quit. The community will eventually have no board members.

     This leaves those owners who are willing to sit on boards saying, “It is difficult to talk with you when you have already drawn a conclusion.” Jumping to conclusions about others’ motives can leave you in a difficult position for moving ahead. Jumping to conclusions about the future is also unproductive.

     Whether you’re saying “what if” I can’t afford to live here, or what if I won’t be able to sell my home, or what if investors buy everything, each of these creates worry and fear and likely a wrong conclusion or decision. It is presumption. All you know right now is that board members and CAMs are in difficult territory with the SIRS and milestone inspection deadlines looming. Owners jumping to conclusions doesn’t help. Board members need facts, expertise, and creative ideas in sorting out the current legal and financial mazes, not presumption.

Betsy Barbieux, CAM, CFCAM, CMCA

Florida CAM Schools

     Betsy Barbieux, CAM, CFCAM, CMCA, guides managers, board members, and service providers in handling daily operations of their communities while dealing with different communication styles, difficult personalities, and conflict. Effective communication and efficient management are her goals. Since 1999 Betsy has educated thousands of managers, directors, and service providers. She is your trainer for life! Betsy is the author of Boardmanship, a columnist in the Florida Community Association Journal, and a former member of the Regulatory Council for Community Association Managers. Subscribe to CAM Matters^TM at www.youtube.com/c/cammatters. For more information, contact Betsy@FloridaCAMSchools.com, call 352-326-8365, or visit www.FloridaCAMSchools.com.